Exceeding abundantly...

Debbie's preschool homeschool day in the life (with a 2 and 4 year old)

2012-02-02T08:00:00.046-06:00

Monday 1/30/12

6:10 am - I open my eyes, very groggy - During tax season I get up sometime between 5:30 and 6ish. We're a little later than usual this morning. I help my taxman get out the door and then go through my mental morning checklist - make bed, feed cats, read bible, plan day. I am not a morning person, so this keeps me on track. I sit down with some breakfast to read my Bible and write down a rough outline of what I need/want/plan to do today.

7:15 - Holly (4) comes down, cuddles up in my lap. I think how nice it will be to be able to keep up our morning cuddling if we homeschool for K. She soon decides she wants to eat - we have a cutting lesson as she help slice an apple. I go to move the laundry I started last night. Holly practices matching socks and helps fold napkins. After getting herself a yogurt she tells me she wants to do school. I get a workbook. I check the email as she does some pages matching letter sounds. She starts some tracing pages and I correct her pencil grip. She isn't pleased. We change to different pages. I don't want to push her writing at 4. But I'd rather she have good habits. She is happy again. I am impressed when she reads the words fox, dog, log, and even frog (once I tell her the blend sound).

8ish - Heather (2) comes down. She cuddles in my lap as she eats the apple slices Holly left for her. The girls decide they want to paint. We break out a Dora paint book. They finish painting sometime while I dust, vacuum, and put laundry away, then they go play. Holly just kind of sits at the table for a while, strange.

10 - The girls get to watch TV: Sid the Science Kid, Word World, and Caillou. Sid is talking about how we get water into our homes. (Caillou is not my favorite, but not a hill to die on either)

11:30 - Heather comes to the kitchen ready for lunch. Funny Holly didn't come up. She is lying on the couch and says she is tired. Turns out she has a slight fever.

12:00 - After lunch Holly curls up on the couch. I decide to do rest time early. But first we talk about what she learned on Sid. We discuss how we get our water from the water tower, one grandma and grandpa have a well, and the other grandma and grandpa get their water pumped from a water plant. I pop in a DVD and go clean the kitchen. Holly falls asleep and I tell Heather to go play when the movie is done.

1:30 - Heather decides she wants to get dressed and picks out her clothes. (Yes we were still in our jammies.)

2 - Holly wakes up. We do a reading lesson. The girls play with their doll house. Holly says she wants to do more school. She does a math page, Heather plays with stickers and "draws"

3- Holly perks up and the girls go play. I do laundry, computer stuff, and get dinner going. The girls show me the "forest" they built with pillows and blankets. I explain the difference between the words "forest" and "fort". I remember we never did the girls calendar. We go over the days of the week and the # 30. We check the weather and decide it is sunny today. I think "school" is done for the day.

4 - The girls are playing with duplo blocks. Holly wants to do more "school" with them. They start sorting by color and shape. We all work on counting. Holly wants to try some skip counting, we do 2's and 10's. School seems to be done. Except Holly breaks out the Winnie the Pooh duplos and follows the directions step by step to build Pooh's house.

We eat dinner around 6:30. The girls stay up until about 9 during tax season so they get to spend some time with daddy when he comes home late. We read some books before bed. After they get to bed I do my evening mental checklist so the house is basically tidy in the morning.

I thought Monday would be the best example of a typical day this week. Turns out no day is typical I guess. But still even though Holly was a bit under the weather, we were learning all day. Writing it all down was a enlightening for me. At minimum we covered reading, writing, math, home ec, social studies, science, and art. Wow. I love watching my kids want to learn. It is amazing how much learning can occur by using teachable moments, and providing resources and a few intentional activities.

Linked up at Simple Homeschool

The Education Dilemma

2012-02-01T14:01:00.000-06:00

To homeschool or not to homeschool...that is the question I have been asking myself for the last couple of years. The preschool decision became easy. Attending preschool was both costly and inconvenient and seemed unnecessary. Holly had mostly completed the kindergarten readiness checklist by her 4th birthday. Preschool at home was the obvious choice. The kindergarten decision has been more complicated.

Positives for Public School:

There is a small public elementary school within a mile of our home. It is the pride and joy of our small town. It is part of a larger school district that is well respected in our community. My husband, his father, and sisters all graduated from the same district. Just this past May we attended the graduation party of a lovely christian young lady. Her father assured us we were blessed to be in this school district.
We are relative newcomers to our small town. (We have only been here 15 years.) Over the years we have been assured we would get to know our neighbors "once your kids are in school." Since we were not born here, the school is the golden ticket to be included in community life.
I loved elementary school! I would cry when I missed it because I was sick. I graduated from public school. I am successful, and learned so much. I have fond memories of many of my teachers and classes.
I believe my daughter would get a good education in our local schools. I believe she would likely enjoy school and develop friendships and fond memories. I also desire for her to be exposed to people who need Jesus, especially kids her age who still have some innocent ways and sweetness. I want her to realize her blessings and develop true compassion.

Positives for Homeschool:

My girls would receive an individualized education at home. We can spend time on the topics they struggle with. We can fly through the topics that come easily. If they are interested in birds or baseball we can take the time to research and delight in learning.
My girls can learn from a Biblical perspective. We can show them how God is in everything. I don't have to explain that things their teacher says might not be true.
Home education is so efficient. Our public Kindergarten is 7 hours at school, plus homework. We can cover the academic work of kindergarten in less than 2 hours at home. I am a firm believer in free play and family time. Homeschooling leaves time for that.
Homeschooling fits our schedule. My girls stay up until 9 o'clock and get up around 8 am. When Daddy is working in the field we go out and ride with him, sometimes we get home late. During tax season Daddy comes home around 8pm. He wants to spend time with his girls. Daddy is free for vacation in the middle of April, and the end of August.

Right now homeschooling is winning. At this point I am planning on homeschooling for kindergarten. I have concerns; how am I going to introduce my girls to people who are different from us and the "church folks" we mostly spend time with, how am I going to protect them from legalistic homeschoolers who we will meet. I remind myself we would have similar types of problems in public school, just dressed differently. So I am still praying, waiting for God's complete clarity through my husband's full support. But though I mourn some of the things we may lose by not choosing our local school, I am excited about the possibilities at home.

Not free to be just you and me

2012-01-30T13:36:00.000-06:00

We were driving on an outing with my youth group in Jr. High. The subject of soccer came up. I laughingly said how horrible I was at soccer. Our youth leader admonished me from the driver's seat. I shouldn't say things like that, she was concerned about my "self-esteem". I replied (again laughingly) that my self-esteem was just fine, I was terrible at soccer but I had a genius IQ. She was taken aback. Later she expressed her discomfort with me "bragging" about my IQ in front of the other girls.

It was in early elementary school that we watched movies called "Free To Be You and Me". I found them disturbing. The catchy tunes were memorable. But the messages didn't ring true to what I experienced as reality. The idea that "you can be anything you want to be", that just didn't seem right.

As a young child I wanted to be a singer, a writer, and a ballerina. I took dance lessons. When I was seven I realized that no matter what "they" said, I could not be a ballerina. So I happily quit dance lessons, with my parents full support. In 4th grade I sang in the children's choir and the school choir. I noticed that though I "made" choir I was rarely chosen for solos. I was impressed with the voices of others. I realized though I could sing for fun, I wouldn't be signing any autographs.

I so appreciate my parents. I know they gently guided me in these areas. They taught me to laugh when I tripped over my feet. They taught me to celebrate my academic skills. They taught me to appreciate those with talents beyond mine. They help me discover my strengths and weaknesses, and I learned that some things could be both.

Somewhere along the way I learned that I was gifted, that we all are gifted. God has created us with distinct abilities and callings. He has given us those gifts for His glory. I not free to be anything I want to be. I need to be what He has called me to be.

Making our Bedroom a Haven

2011-03-24T07:00:00.002-05:00

When we got married I had these instructions about our bedroom: green and burgundy, and no flowers. We put up dark green mini-blinds. Our bedding was green and burgundy, pretty much solids, except for the green and burgundy plaid king size blanket our close friends gave us. This actually serves as our comforter most of the year. I love plaid, and we even had green and burgundy plaid vests for our groomsmen. (In fact the blanket is from one of them, hmm...)

Our walls were neutral, and had several existing nails. I hung "stuff" we got for wedding gifts or happen to have. There wasn't a lot of intentionality in this. We had an entire house to ourselves for more than eight years, we didn't need a single room as a haven.

Now that we share our home with little people, our bedroom's purpose has really changed. It is no longer just necessary for sleeping and storing our clothes. It is our personal space, but not very personal. I have wanted to paint. But since we have this huge heavy bed that would be a major production. Making new nail holes also tends to cause controversy. We tend to argue about whether hanging things at eye-level applies to the person who is 5' 8" or the person who is 6' 6". So I just never figured there was anything I could do but try to keep it tidy.

I was needing to make a slight change, though. My girls had a tall heavy dresser in their room. They don't need it in there, and I have been living in fear that my almost 2 year old climber would be pulling it down on herself. When she was messing with the lower drawer on Monday I knew I had to take action. So I decided to move the cedar chest squeezed between my side of the bed and the wall to the living room, and put the dresser in it's place.

So, when I saw this post about sprucing up the master bedroom on the blog Raising Arrows, I was suddenly inspired. These were the 2 lines that really clicked w/ me:

"What is the first thing your eye is attracted to in this room?"
"Does this room reflect you and/or your husband in any way?"

The first thing you would see in our room is this:

Only picture a lot more blank space as the cedar chest was where the dresser is. That picture has been hanging there since we married. It looks like this:
It was a gift from a lovely couple. And the sentiments are lovely as well. But really my favorite part of it was the burgundy mat. After 13 years it finally occurred to me that I didn't have to keep it.

So I began to think on that other question: What reflected us? I came up with 3 specific things. The pictures of our family that sat on the cedar chest, the picture of the lighthouse I grew up a few miles from out east, and the Terry Redlin print of deer watching a combine that I bought as a gift for my husband for our 10th anniversary. The farm, our family, and "my" lighthouse; those things really reflect roots of who we are. So now when you walk into our room you see this:

I know it isn't perfectly proportioned. And the black doesn't really go w/ the green, burgundy, and natural wood color scheme. But it makes me smile, and be thankful. The picture on the wall has a great snapshot of my hubby and I from our best friends' wedding last year. It was such a happy day filled with love. The bottom photo is an adorable shot of our girls for Valentine's day. We are all in black and red so the pics look perfect together. The pictures on the dresser are baby pictures of the girls. The picture in the corner is hand calligraphy with our names, wedding date and Bible verses. A dear family friend made it for our wedding gift. It used to hang on blank part of wall on the other side of the windows, looking totally out of place all by itself in our burgundy/green room surrounded by blank wall. But the black mat coordinates well with my black frames, and it now "fits"

And lastly there was the now blanker space on the other side of the window and there was that frame with burgundy mat I like so much. I thought of something that reflects us. Here it is:

That is us, in the combine. Technically we are all there, though little lamb is "still in my tummy." Harvest is our favorite time of year. It is a lot of work, but riding in the combine is a special kind of peaceful. It is not a perfect photo. But it makes me smile. And hooray for digital photos and home photo printers, it took me all of 15 minutes to put together. The dark colors fill the blank space much better than the lighter calligraphy. But most of all it evokes joy and thankfulness.

I spent $0 on this spruce up. I had everything on hand. I did use up some ink and photo paper. The changes were small but so significant. When I see them they evoke the peace, joy, and thankfulness that now makes our room a haven.

I am linking up to the Spring Spruce Up. Check out all the other ideas!

Thoughts on the book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (Part 3)

2010-05-17T13:38:00.002-05:00

As I read the last chapter in the book I wanted to cry or scream. The author discusses her friend who is making a movie about climate change. Her friend asks the question: "How do we encourage people to keep their hope, but not their complacency?" The concern was that if they didn't present the problem as dire enough people wouldn't care, but if it was too dire people would feel doomed and be paralyzed. My heart screamed the answer, I imagine my mouth even said it, "God!!" God is the answer.

I firmly believe our planet is doomed to destruction someday. I kind of doubt that global warming has anything to do with it. But we live in a world warped by sin, and God has promised that he has prepared a better place for us. This gives us great hope! Still we have been charged to be stewards of God's creation. This gives us motivation to be responsible with what God has given us. God is the answer.

Though the author does not specify, she indicates she is likely an atheist, or at least agnostic. She speaks indirectly to this as she describes how they celebrate holidays. Also, throughout the book the author and her daughter (another secondary author) refer to how we evolved to use certain foods. As someone who has studied secular biology, and read a great deal regarding creation science, what the author usually refers to as evolution is actually what I would consider adaption or excellent evidence for intelligent design. Since much of her viewpoint is based in evolutionary science, it gives me pause as I read some of her other "scientific" theories. It is hard to trust what is built on a faulty foundation.

The saddest part of the whole book was her description of their Thanksgiving. At the end of the description of the mouth-watering foods, and their small cheat of importing cranberries, is this statement "... for here is a day off work just to praise Creation." As I read that I had mingled sensations of horror, and heartbreak. The Bible is clear. Praising creation instead of seeing the divine nature and eternal power of God in creation, is the reason the world is doomed to destruction. In one sense it was amazing to see the words of Romans 1, so clearly displayed in our modern world:

Romans 1:20-24
For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their
hearts...

But, these are real people. Barbara Kingsolver has a real soul and God loves her. It is heartbreaking that although she loves His creation so greatly, she is blinded to God's love and purpose. As I finished the book, I prayed. I prayed for the authors to be able to find the real source of hope, the real One to praise.

This is the main reason I can not recommend this book. If you have a firm understanding of your faith, if you have the inclination to read critically, it can be an excellent opportunity to develop an understanding of the devout environmentalist perspective. But if you do not know what you believe, or you just don't feel like working hard while reading, please don't read this book.

It can't help but wonder what this experiment would be like from a Biblical perspective. Maybe instead of the sad, but so true, Romans passage we could celebrate with the joyful truth of this:

Psalm 104

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul.
O LORD my God, you are very great;
you are clothed with splendor and majesty...
13 He waters the mountains from his upper chambers;
the earth is satisfied by the fruit of his work.
14 He makes
grass grow for the cattle,
and plants for man to cultivate—
bringing forth food from the earth:
15 wine that gladdens the
heart of man,
oil to make his face shine,
and bread that sustains his heart...

Thoughts on the book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (part 2) - The organic debate

2010-05-17T12:39:00.000-05:00

One of the major issues I have with the book is the author's view of modern agricultural. I find her to be narrow minded in this area. Reading on the Internet, I have discovered that there is definitely an anti-ag movement out there. Unfortunately most of it is fueled by presenting the extremes of modern agricultural practice as the norm. The author obviously believes organic is the only way to go. The author's husband, is a secondary author in the book. He writes little boxes of "factual" information in many of the chapters. He makes what on the surface looks like a good argument for small organic farms being the best way to feed the world. And, if conditions were always stable, he might have a case. However he neglects to consider anomalies, such as blight and mass infestation. We rarely think of these nowadays, because modern farming practices (including those nasty "chemicals") have mostly eradicated them. However before modern farming practices those were real threats, and famine and food borne illness were common concerns.

Of course I come from my own bias. I am surrounded and even somewhat financially supported by those very corn and soybeans the book so demonizes. There is a lot of emphasis on the evils of all the corn and soybean based products in our food supply. I actually agree that as a society we overeat the corn and soybean food products available. But a lot of corn and soybeans go to products as replacement for petroleum. Decreasing our petroleum consumption is a major premise of the local eating movement. Of course a lot of corn also goes to livestock feed. The book gives the impression that this is a bad thing, that grass fed is the only way to go. But livestock have been part grain/part pasture fed for thousands of years. Feeding grain to chickens is not a recent phenomenon. And in many areas of the world (including the fertile Midwest) there is just not enough pasture to provide enough livestock a complete diet.

I also know plenty of non-organic livestock farmers. This is where I see the book as biased toward the extremes. The book gives the distinct impression that farms in the commercial food industry all keep their animals confined in small spaces standing in their own waste being fed only corn. I made it a point to drive by 2 near-by dairy farms yesterday. I saw something amazing, cows grazing in the pasture. The truth is all the farmers I know feed their livestock grain and put them to graze on pasture. I know there are some extreme mega farms where the cows live in bad conditions, but it isn't necessarily the standard. Even many large "confinement" operations pasture their cows. This is a great post about what a real confinement operation is like.

My point in all this is that where the author seems to have one view, that allows for only organic agriculture, I think we can use modern ag practices wisely and in moderation without sacrificing our health or ethics. Yes modern ag has it's problems. But, even though I appreciate much of the "real food" movement. I don't believe that real food must be all "organic". I think there is just as much biased anti-modern ag propaganda as pro-modern ag propaganda. As usual the truth is somewhere in the middle.

I still have one more post to go on this book. I know my "review" has been long. But that is why I would actually recommend this book to some. If you have the inclination and time to dissect it critically, it really makes you think. My last concern is my biggest heartbreak in reading this book, the one that left me sad at the end....to be continued.

Thoughts on the book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (part 1)

2010-05-14T12:32:00.005-05:00

I finished the book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I can't say that I would recommend it to everyone. I would absolutely not recommend it to some. I would highly recommend it to some. It really depends on you desire and ability to read critically. In some places the book is inspiring, in some places it is flat out wrong. Sometimes it made me laugh, and sometimes I just felt so sad for the author and her family.

I'll start with the good stuff. I think living off of local/seasonal food is an excellent experiment. I also liked the information about how to eat more locally and more seasonally. The practical stuff inspired some ideas of how I could make positive changes in our diet and lifestyle. I am inspired to make better use of our garden produce. I am inspired to search for fresher, more flavorful basic foods so my "healthy" cooking actually tastes good. There are some good recipes in the book too. And I am determined to learn how to braid my onions and garlic like the author does.

The book is written as a memoir. I really liked this format. Instead of feeling preached at, I felt that she was sharing her life. And though she was at times passionate about her views, I didn't feel like she was saying: agree with me or else. Also because it was a memoir and story of their year, there were some funny parts, especially in the realm of chickens and turkeys. But, more importantly, for someone like myself, who disagrees with the author in many areas, I felt as though I gained some understanding of where she was coming from and why she feels that way.

Philosophy-wise I do have many disagreements with the author. But there were ideas I truly appreciated. The idea of taking time to prepare food, hit home to me. So often our culture values efficiency even when efficiency isn't truly needed. There is joy and renewal in work, whether it is in the exercise of hoeing the garden, the rhythmic contemplation with kneading bread, or the exhilarating creativity of cooking a meal. Rushing through each task just for the sake of moving on to another one is not fulfilling or necessarily profitable.

Also I agree with the basic premise that there are problems with the way our society eats in general. Obesity is definitely an issue. And foods that are not profitable for our body are out there. Ignorance of where our food comes from and how it is made does seem to be common. However I view the "whys" behind these problems differently. I find that the author places a lot of blame on the food industry, as if they are the ones in control of the situation. In the authors view, they are manipulative, they are greedy, but the consumer and even the farmer are often just the pawns of a powerful corporation.

I really think it is more of a matter of personal responsibility. While there are individuals in the food industry who are motivated by greed and power, they are responding to individual consumers often motivated by a mix of gluttony, laziness, pleasure-seeking, and lack of self-control. Which are sin issues for all of us. So I see many of the problems as a result of sin in our fallen world. The author who appears to be an atheist, or at least agnostic, obviously does not grapple with individual sin as a root of our cultural food issues. Also, viewing it as a sin issue I don't necessarily see it as a one-size fits all solution. Selling a beverage made from corn syrup and carbonated water is not necessarily a sin. Nor is it inherently sinful to consume such a beverage. But it can be, it is really a matter of the heart...

Sausage Asparagus Skillet - Yum!

2010-05-14T08:21:00.004-05:00

I found a healthy recipe that actually worked! You can find the recipe for Sausage Asparagus Skillet here. The blog The Local Cook has a lot of other great seasonal "real food" recipes as well.

It is really easy and made with asparagus, and other ingredients I have on hand: sausage, potatoes, onions, and cheese. The one thing I did was add 3 small pats of butter after I put the asparagus in. It was a hit!

I enjoyed watching my 2 year old happily eat asparagus. She is not terribly picky, but I wasn't sure how she would do with it. Sprinkle a little cheese on it, cook it with some butter and sausage flavor and she gobbled it right down.

I even used mostly local ingredients. The potatoes were from the grocery store. But the sausage and asparagus were locally "grown". And the onions were from my garden.

Oh, another great thing about this recipe: one cutting board, one knife, one skillet, one spatula, one spoon - thats all the dishes to wash!

30 boxes, 30 days Final Count!

2010-05-13T15:11:00.003-05:00

I realize I never updated my April decluttering challenge. My final total was 54 boxes!

That total does not include the dresser, crib, and changing table I got rid of as well. I still have the old TV, and an old printer to get rid of. I know where to take those it is just a matter of arranging it.

I never did quite finish the back room. Though I got a lot out of it. The end of tax season kind of got in the way.

And, we are ready to redo the guestroom for the girls now, as soon as planting is over. I even have the before pics taken already!

Bread!

2010-05-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

I made bread. Real wheat bread. Now I have made many a quick bread in my time. And I have made "real" bread with experienced bread makers on occasion. But this time I made it all by myself. (Well I did have the eager assistance of my 2 y/o) I will confess that I used a no-knead recipe. I chose this recipe so I could work through the slightly daunting "rising and punching" part first. And then move on to the scarier tricky sounding "kneading" part.

The recipe made three loaves, which taste excellent and look great. It is a bit light though, not quite dense enough to use for a good sandwich. I am guessing that is where the kneading comes in. Since I managed the rising and punching so well I am looking forward to getting to the next level. Maybe I'll try some kneading tomorrow!

Looking Locally, Thinking Seasonally

2010-05-08T15:15:00.000-05:00

I just started reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingslover (and her husband and daughter). So far I am finding the book fascinating. The books details the authors' family journey to almost entirely eat locally, and therefore eat seasonally for a complete year.

There are difficult parts in it for me. For one, there is an underlying tone of evolutionary theory that bothers on occasion. However it is slight and easy for me to "re-view" those references in light of the wonder of how God created us, and our natural surroundings. The other issue I have is a little harder to reconcile. As I am reading about how the industrial food complex has warped our view of food, my other half is out planting soybeans on our farm land to be sold to the very same industrial food complex. Much of what we earn comes from "modern" agriculture. And I don't think all modern agriculture practice is bad. But I will give the author credit, she is not railing in her book, and though I find some of her views disconcerting I can understand where she is coming from and don't feel brow beaten.

However the major theme of the book: sourcing our food locally and eating seasonally rings so true to me. It is interesting. I am surrounded by corn and soybean fields. Most belong to family farms, but most will also be sold to be processed into things that look nothing like corn and soybeans, or shipped out to far-away feedlots. Yet sustainable living and local food sourcing is also not uncommon among these same farmers. Sure our fields of corn go off to the industrial complex. But along the edge we grow pumpkins, tomatoes, peppers, sweet potatoes...

Many of the farm wives I know (including me) can and preserve. I can name several friends with small flocks of chickens. And almost all the dairy farmers I know drink there milk just "one step" away from the udder, even though they sell the rest to be homogenized and pasteurized. There is a farmer's market in town every Saturday in seasonable weather. But there is also a direct selling family garden about 2 miles due east of my home.

To be honest it would never occur to me to buy a cucumber or zucchini in February. Of course I am aware I will be trying to find some open car windows to sneak the surplus into in August. (OK, I have never actually done that, but I have been known to occasionally beg someone to take them.) Although I do it on occasion, I hate buying tomatoes in winter, rally they taste nothing like a "real" tomato. However, I don't think a lot about where the foods I don't produce abundantly come from. In many of those cases I have rarely eaten truly fresh versions, so maybe I don't notice the inferior quality.

Maybe because of the beginning of garden season, I have notice that this is a popular topic in the blog world recently. I know I can do better about local sourcing my food, without much effort. Some of my goals for this are:

Looking into options for buying fresh milk.
Arranging to buy fresh eggs.
Building dark storage for our root crops.
Trying to local source our poultry (we already local source our beef and pork)
Visiting our farmer's market and nearby direct produce seller.

Of course my biggest challenge is still turning this food into meals that receive a good reception from my family. So my biggest goal of all is learning how to use all those local seasonal foods at dinner time.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary...

2010-05-07T13:26:00.000-05:00

How does my garden grow? The tomatoes, peppers, green beans, spinach, lettuce, carrots, onions, and radishes are all in nice rows. The hills; cucumbers, zucchini, and melons aren't in yet.

We have much of our home garden planted. Except for the sweet corn, we haven't started at the farm yet. The men are busy in the fields right now, so maybe next week we'll get to it. We planted the tomatoes and peppers yesterday morning, around 7am. It was so nice to be out in the quiet just the 2 of us, the girls were still sleeping. I took pictures. I am planning on updating my blog header as the garden grows. They are just little plants now surrounded by coffee cans for protection from our prarie winds.

There is a good aritcle on eating seasonally and locally on Keeper of the Home. It made me realize how blessed I am. For much of the year I don't have to source out my produce. All I need to do is walk into the back yard. I need to take better advantage of this blessing. Preparing to use the abundance produced by our fabulous black loam is one of my projects on my journey to "find natural". So if you have any great ideas for my garden produce let me know.

Now its a room you can view!

2010-04-14T12:28:00.006-05:00

I love to just go and sit in there and soak it in. I have my spare room back...ahhhh... It still serves as guest room/office/baby's room. But it is no longer the "junk"room!!!

Here are some before and afters:

The corner:

The bed:

The closet:

This room has always been a particular difficulty. We do have a store room, but it is in a very basementy part of the basement. So, anything "nice" would get shoved in the guest room. Besides that, its multiple purposes make it difficult to keep it up. I have cleaned this room up before. Usually that meant filling the closet and drawers with all the extra stuff. Which meant digging through closets and drawers when I needed to find something, causing a big mess. This clean out has made a big difference. Note there is actually some open space in the closet. It used to be like playing tetris to get everything in there just right. Also, what you can't see is even better. There is actual space in the drawers and the cabinet. There is even 1 completely empty drawer!!!

I am so glad to get this cleaned out. We have big plans for this room. This summer I want to make it the girls room. Everything but the tall dresser, and some of the stuff in the closet will be moving to a much smaller room. Now it is all ready to go.

I am up to 46 boxes now. I have finished every room in the house except for the "back room" that very basementy place I referred to earlier. It is such a big job I broke it into 6 sections. I have been wanting to clean it out for years now. That will be a huge accomplishment. I was going to give myself the day off today. But the thought of getting the back room cleaned out is so exciting I am sure I'll be in there digging out. But a completely decluttered home would be a fabulous birthday gift!!

Boxes # 14 through.....

2010-04-10T07:40:00.007-05:00

32!!!!

After 9 days of my decluttering challenge I have dug out 32 boxes of stuff to get rid of. (I guess I should have started with a bigger box) I would double my goal to 60, but I know I still have 2 of my worst areas to go, so I think I will just keep counting and see if I can get to 100! That sounds daunting. But really I am a third of the way there in less than a third of the month.

It is amazing once you get started how you want to keep on going. The lightness I feel after getting rid of stuff is great motivation. And I have been learning and growing through this too. I have been jotting down some of my spiritual reflections as I go along. I think I will take time during May to develop some of those thoughts more deeply.

But this past week I have heard two messages that hit home more because of my decluttering challenge. First our pastor preached a great message on idolatry on Sunday. It really made me think about what my "stuff" represented. As I sorted through a lot of my nostalgia, I thought the each item I was holding onto. Was it tangible story to pass on to the next generation? Or was it my own personal little shrine to my past? The tangible stories can stay, the shrines need to go.

Second, the devotional speaker at my mom's group spoke about making time for an intimate relationship with God. (She was really good, and just happens to be my wonderful real life mom.) As I was cleaning out my hall closet I thought about all the time I waste, moving stuff around, searching for stuff, cleaning out stuff just because I have too much stuff. God is a jealous God. I think He wants that time back, for me to spend with Him and use for Him.

So now for some before and afters:

Here we have the girl's/guest's linen closets:

I had 7 sets of sheets for my guest room!! The only people who have used it in the last year are me and the screaming baby, and my sister-in-law. I plan to use the empty space for kids games when I unearth them in the family room. I pared down my scrapbooking supplies to one long tub. That is in my closet. Hopefully the sewing stuff will move there too. Then I can use that space for the heavy blankets I'll need to put away as the weather warms up.

And the hallway coat closet:

Yes we have a lot of coats. That happens to farmers. Since I promised myself I would not declutter anything personally belonging to the farmer, we still have a lot of coats, but not quite so many. The best thing was relocating those 3 drawer organizers. Now I frequently drool over these at the store. And here I had 2 on the top shelf of my coat closet. OK, why would someone put 3 drawer organizers on a top shelf. Well, we're tall, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. So I moved one down to a useful level. And I put things on the top shelf that I could reach and move easily without standing on a chair. The other 3 drawer organizer is sitting empty waiting for me to find the perfect spot. I think my closet is calling it's name.

A special comforter

2010-04-09T08:29:00.003-05:00

I remember a very special day when I was a little girl. I don't remember exactly when it was, but I know it was a Sunday, and I think I was 3 or 4. I remember the sunlight shining through my windows. and I was lying on my bed with this comforter.

My brother burst into my room to tell me something great. He had learned in Sunday School that if you asked Jesus to forgive you and come into your heart, he would live in your heart and you would go to heaven. I was lying on my bed pondering what he said. I decided that I wanted Jesus to live in my heart too. So I prayed a simple prayer and became a Christian.

I didn't know the four spiritual laws or exactly how it all worked. But with the faith of a child I joined the Kingdom of Heaven.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

I have kept that comforter all these years because it is part of my memory of that day. But I don't really need it. I will never forget that day. So I took this picture, praying that my little girls will one day have such a memory of their own. I bundled up the comforter and donated it to warm someone else who needs it. And I pray that they will find the warmth I have within, that comes from Jesus living in my heart.

(You can find other's pictures here)

Boxes 7-13

2010-04-05T15:40:00.006-05:00

Spaces are deceptive. You really can't tell how much stuff they can hold until you start to clean it out. As I finished off the master bedroom I didn't think I would fill another box. But I decided to be thorough and clean out the small spaces that were left. I was amazed as I easily filled a box plus some. I think my husband might have a heart attack when he sees how much I have to go to the garbage. I really wouldn't have thought that we had that much to throw away.

We baked some cookies the other day, so I was staying in the kitchen as they went in and out of the oven. I decided to clean out a kitchen cabinet and do some needed reorganizing. I notice a simple solution to some kitchen issues that I have had. First I have mostly switched to glass storage containers. They have lovely navy blue or white lids that even coordinate with my kitchen. However the lids were constantly disappearing in a deep cabinet. Second little lamb has recently discovered that cabinets are fun, and the glass within reach seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. Third our plastic children's dishes were being stored in a shallow high cabinet, completely out of reach for babydoll to get her dishes out or put her clean dishes away. Such an easy solution. I put all the kids dishes in a tub and put them in the deep lower cabinet. I put the glass dishes in the upper cabinet w/ the lids all in one container. Now I have a "plastic" cabinet for little lamb, and babydoll has a new responsibility. Plus, I love being able to find my storage dishes and lids w/ ease. Here is the before (well mid-clean out) and after:

I mentioned spaces are deceptive. We have 2 narrow linen closets. I cleaned out the smallest one. I took out 4 boxes worth of stuff!!! I love my clean looking linen closet. In years past I would have looked at all the empty space and thought I should fill it up with other storage. But I am beginning to appreciate the peaceful calmness of empty space. Here is the before and after:

I can't wait until garbage day. I will feel so much lighter when much of the stuff is gone completely. My guestroom is starting to fill up w/ stuff for our momcycle day. I don't wish it was sooner though, because I still have plenty more stuff to clean out. I am looking forward to April 30th though. It will be so freeing!

Clothes Clean-out

2010-04-03T07:15:00.006-05:00

That is my closet before.

This is the stuff I got rid of:

I am calling this 3 boxes. Though it might actually be more like 4 or 5. But getting to 6 boxes by day 2 seems like a good start. This isn't all from the closet. I have a few clothes in drawers as well. I cleaned out all those to. I now have some empty drawer space.

Bonus: I think I found a good place to store maternity clothes. We have a long deep cupboard in the bottom of our headboard. It isn't very accessible for regular use. But would be perfect for my maternity clothes stash. And that would free up a big tub, that is currently "pretending" it is a nightstand in my guestroom.

This time cleaning through my closet was a rewarding experience, because everything "fit"! By fit, I mean that I could get everything zippered, buttoned, snapped etc... Not that I would necessarily wear it that snug in public. But I am at my lowest weight in 3 yrs and still slowly losing.

I also have been wanting to put together a dress up box for the girls. I found lots of hats, a way too short for me -but pretty dress, a lab coat, and a pair of shoes to get a good start on the dress up box.

This is my closet after:

It still needs a little help. I don't really like those bins on top. I like being able to get to my clothes that way, but the bins are too tall, so either I combine my short and long stuff, or there is a lot of wasted space.

I have started a list of things I would like to buy. Since it is my birthday this month I usually get some birthday money. I can never decide what to spend it on. This clean-out is helping me to really think about what I want that would actually be useful.

Box #3

2010-04-02T08:30:00.005-05:00

I needed something to do while the girls were playing in the backyard. So I pulled out my boxes of old pictures. Now I really enjoy scrapbooking. I have scrap books from 1992-July 2006. Then we switched to our digital camera, had children etc... I have now switched to digital scrapbooking (I'll go on about how wonderful it is some other time) I am working my way backwards now, I am up to date for 2010, and am almost done with 2009.

However throughout the years I got free double prints. Even though I have my lovely srapbooks of these memories, I saved all the doubles. I had 4 plastic shoe boxes filled with pictures. Now I have one.

Here is the shoeboxes and the box of pics to throw away:

Here is what I have left to save:

As a bonus, I now have 3 plastic shoeboxes to use for other storage needs.

Missionary Mementos

2010-04-02T07:15:00.005-05:00

I found a great idea from this blog. I have lots of things with sentimental value. However in many cases it is not the object, but the story behind the object that is valuable. In order to simplify and remove clutter, Tanna from Complete Organizing Solutions suggests taking a picture and recording the stories of things with sentimental value. Then you can get rid of the stuff, but keep the memory.

So here is my first memory picture.

These three mementos traveled to me from three different continents, were given to me in three different states, by three different people, in three different years. What they have in common that they were from missionaries. We were blessed as children to have parents who welcomed missionaries into our home. Both my brother and I developed a strong love for missions. I'll take them in order:

1. The grass skirt and bag wall hanging is from Papua New Guinea. I received it in Rochester, NY about 26 years ago. Stuart Merriam was the missionary. But what was most exciting is that he brought tribal people with him when he visited our Church every few years. That year two Papua New Guineans stayed overnight in our home. One was a boy our age. We had so much fun playing with him, and he taught us how to use some native toys. They sold these little wall hanging to raise money for the mission.

2. The round fur is from Bolivia. I received it in 1987 in California, where I lived when I was in Jr. Hi. The missionaries were the Wymas. They were with Wycliffe Bible Translators. They came to our home for dinner when they were visiting our church. I still clearly remember their stories and our visit. They brought us the fur as a hostess gift. It is literally falling apart now. Pieces of fur fall off when you pick it up.

3. This little cat box is from Honduras. I received it here at my home in Illinois. It was a gift from my brother and sister-in-law when they worked at a mission school in Honduras.

While I have lost track of the missionaries who brought these (except for my brother of course). And these items don't take up space in my home anymore. The memories of the warmth and excitement accompanying them still keep a place in my heart.

30 Boxes, 30 Days - Decluttering Challenge

2010-04-01T14:36:00.008-05:00

I have been busy! Of course 2 little ones keeps you hopping. But the past several months I have been working on becoming more organized.

The idea that I would enjoy becoming organized may be a shock to my friends and family. One word that describes me well is "random". I like to say I have a tendency toward entropy. But I have made great strides and changes in the past 6 months. I have discovered a lot of tips and techniques to make my journey toward organization easier. And I really enjoy the added serenity in my home. I discovered that the first and most important thing is to cut the clutter!

April is a special month in our home. Not only do we have Easter, and 3 birthdays (including mine), we also have the end of tax season!!! As a bonus my mom's group is having "momcycle" on April 30th. Its basically a big free garage sale, where I can unload a lot of stuff. So it is a great time for a decluttering challenge. I want to get rid of 30 boxes of stuff in 30 days. Now this idea really isn't original to me. I need to acknowledge this blog, and thank her for the inspiration. I am even using some of her method. I made a calendar and divided my home into 25 areas. (I am giving myself Sundays and the Saturday after tax day off.) I assigned an area to each day taking into account busy days. Here is my calendar

I know it is hard to see, but today I assigned our bathroom. I thought it might be hard to fill a box. Our storage space in there is very limited. Boy was I surprised. I easily filled the box to almost overflowing. I amazed at the amount of junk I had under the sink. Now it looks so nice and neat. No before and after pics of the bathroom though. It is so tiny I could hardly take one. Besides who needs to see my organized toiletries. But here is Box # 1:

Seeing all those expired medicines etc... made me wonder what was lurking in the other bathroom. So I jumped ahead and did the guest/girl's bathroom too. Here is box # 2:

Tomorrow is going to be a major clothes clean out for me. A bit of an extra challenge since I am between sizes. I did this almost 2 years ago. It needs it again. But, hopefully it will be easier this time.

I'll let you know...

Babydoll's famous

2009-08-10T10:46:00.003-05:00

LOL...

Check out her Happy B-day here

Of course her B-day isn't untill August 27th.

I am planning to use a crayon theme for her bday party (just family) - any good ideas?

Blessed in the bustle...

2009-07-22T14:33:00.008-05:00

It was a typical evening. I was bustling about the kitchen trying to get dinner ready. Brown the meat, boil the water, add the sauce, "oops" almost forgot the pasta... Kick the dolly, toy bucket, plastic bowl out from under foot, "ouch" stepped on the toy shovel...Noise of the lawn mower, the radio, the slap, slap, scrape of the fly swatter... Need to the wash the dishes, running out of room on the counter...

Then I stopped, I looked up, I drank in the meaning. First I saw my almost 2 year old, adorable curly haired sitting on Daddy's storage box of church papers, intently pretending the fly swatter was a broom. Then the baby, contentedly curled up sleeping in her bouncy seat on the kitchen table. Then the wonderful man in my back yard, strong and steady, maneuvering the lawn mower with precision.

Yes the counter was messy. The toys were in the way. The sounds and movement of business, abounded. But I was struck by the blessing. I am living the dream.

Never thought this would be a picture of bliss:

But Ahhh...just had to spend a few minutes soaking it all in....

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7:11

Hit and miss Tot School

2009-07-20T12:21:00.006-05:00

Well the last 2 weeks were a bit crazy as I had some kooky medical things going. But all is well now. We did do some Tot School.

We did a lot "C" things as babydoll has quite the fascination w/ the letter "C". (I think it might be because it is also a word she uses, a lot; "See Mommy?" "See Daddy?"

"C" is for car:

We did a "C" page w/ cars on it. Then I got out the box of matchbox cars. We talked about colors and sizes, counted some of them, and then had fun crashing them off the coffee table.

Here she is coloring her car pages. We also did the "c" word puzzles: car, cat, cake, and cow. We did some "C" books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and My First Book of Colors

Cleaning

Babydoll loves to help clean. And since I hurt my back and we were having a big party on Saturday, she got to "help" when Grandma came to the rescue. Here she is vacuuming w/ gma.

Other Stuff

We also did wooden letter blocks, and her "ABC" agriculture coloring book. Of course we did her favorite putting tri-color rigatoni in the shaker, she actually did some sorting by color this time! And we sorted through my fabric scraps so I can make her some letter bean bags for her birthday, it was a good time to talk about colors, textures, and sizes (too big, too small).

Favorite Picture

My favorite pic from the last 2 weeks has to be the one her aunt took when we went out to dinner w/ our extended family. She had to wear her cool sunglasses, and is starting to enjoy the crayons restaurants provide. (Mommy makes similar faces when she concentrates)

We are going to be focusing on farm animals in the coming 2 weeks since lots of time will be spent at the county fair. To see what others are doing in Tot School check out 1+1+1=1!

Starting Tot School

2009-07-07T10:42:00.004-05:00

I have been trying to figure out something to do w/ babydoll. I know that she needs some one on one time w/ mommy. And I want her to have some opportunity to learn. In my "daily schedule" I even put a space for an educational activity. But I was having trouble coming up w/ ideas and implementing them successfully. Then I found Totally Tots and learned about Tot School.

The revolutionary thing about tot school for me was the word exposure. I am not trying to teach babydoll lessons but am trying to expose her to learning. With my academic inclination I felt like I needed to test her each time. Like if she didn't repeat that the duck was yellow it wasn't working. But that is not the point, having fun is the key and exposure to skills and concepts is the accomplishment.

So we started last week. Though I won't always do a theme, 4th of July seemed like a great idea. Especially since we had lots of 4th of July activities planned for the end of the week. We ended up doing not 4th of July stuff too.

So this is some of what we did:

U.S.A

We did U, S, and A letter sheets. They were easy to design on publisher. I just put the letter and one picture (like an umbrella on U) on the page. She colored these w/ red and blue crayons. Then I did another page w/ 3 other different umbrellas. I cut them out - she seems little for scissors, but watching me use her kids scissors is exposure. Then I taught her how to use the glue stick to glue them on. She was surprisingly good at it. I tried to not help as much as possible. She got the sequencing of the task down great! Here she is with her letter sheets:

We also did a parade one day. I got her toy drum and recorder and showed her how to march. The parade mostly consisted of her watching me march back and forth while I played the drum. She found it quite entertaining. When she finally decided to join in she slipped on the tile. In an effort to avoid tears I said a big "swoosh" as she slid across the tile on her bottom. She thought this was hilarious and she ended up running back and forth across the room sitting on the tile and saying "swoosh" As I said the point is fun. And she did go to the parade on Saturday. Though there wasn't much marching, mostly splashing, as it rained all day.

Learning "Toys"

We have a great set of word puzzles that I have now introduced her to. Before discovering Tot School I thought I needed to wait a few years to break this out. But I realized even though she couldn't read the words she loves puzzles. And the exposure to the idea of letters making words would be great.

Fine Motor

I found a great idea for putting pasta into a Tupperware shaker. she loves to carry the shaker around so I figured we might as well do something useful w/ it. I used tri-colored rotini, so we could practice colors too. She loved it! She took the pasta out and put it through the little hole for a long time. Then she started having more fun dumping it in and out. She even collected several other containers to dump into. It ended up entertaining her while I was making dinner too.

If you look behind her, on the fridge you can see the flag we made w/ construction paper practicing her new gluing skills too.

We also had a verse for the week, Psalm 119:45, posted on the fridge. Although babydoll didn't even repeat it, exposure is the key and Mommy memorized it!

We did good for the first week. We both enjoyed it and it didn't take a lot of extra time. We actually just made better use of our time.

Mom Confessions....

2009-06-16T09:34:00.005-05:00

I have some things to confess. For one thing I've been doing something "dangerous." For another I don't seem to feel the way I'm supposed to.

I'll just say it...my baby sleeps on her tummy. I am pretty settled about this now. But at first it was hard, heart wrenching actually. There I was a hormonal, extremely sleep deprived mommy of a 12 day old. I had a problem. My little lamb would not sleep on her back. This was new to me. Babydoll would sleep anytime, anyway, anywhere - but not little lamb. I was exhausted, I couldn't hold her anymore, I felt like I was going to drop her. At midnight, I knew I had a decision to make. I cried, I prayed, and I realized what I had to do. I had tried putting lamb on her tummy for naps, with close supervision. She slept so peacefully then. But now it was nighttime. I would be asleep and not in control. I was petrified. I feel so bad for those who lost a baby to SIDS. I can't imagine the pain. But as I thought about it, I realized that nearly everyone over the age of 30 slept on their tummies. As I prayed God spoke to me. I was living in fear. God would take care of my baby. And then I laughed, what fear was paralyzing me, a fear of caring for my baby the way my mom cared for me, and my grandma cared for her. So little lamb sleeps peacefully now, curled up on her tummy. When I told people I put her on her tummy I got a surprise. Many friends admitted that they too had a little one who had to sleep on her tummy. Many had been afraid to admit such a "horrible" thing. While it was a huge relief to find out I was not alone, it made me a little sad. Sad that fear kept us from being open and honest about it.

So I have another confession. This one I've only just started to share... I don't enjoy breastfeeding. And let me clarify, I don't have difficulty breastfeeding, I just don't enjoy it. As the lactation consultant told me I was "born to breastfeed." The actual mechanics of it are easy. But on a feeling level it is just a task, not much different than changing diapers. I can't relate to those who savor nursing as a bonding time. My baby just seems to be staring at my armpit. With babydoll, a champion nurser, I really didn't have much choice anyway. She would rather wait seven hours to nurse than take a bottle. And she was such an easy baby the rest of the time, it didn't matter much. But little lamb is different. She is a good nurser, but gassy so I have lots of dietary restrictions. And she loves bottles. I actually gave her one, of breast milk, the other day. It was a precious time. I loved looking into her eyes as she ate, and enjoyed eating. If If I wasn't so thrifty (read "cheap") She would have become a bottle baby right then and there. But instead I keep plugging away...But I wonder if there aren't other moms out there who feel like me. I don't want to discourage people from nursing. But I do want to confess, because maybe I am not alone in my lack of enthusiasm for nursing. Maybe I don't need to feel guilty...maybe someone else doesn't need to feel guilty either...

Humility and patience....

2009-06-12T09:17:00.008-05:00

Its a quiet moment here. Babydoll is off to grandma and grandpa's for the day. Little Lamb is sleeping again...since I just popped her paci back in...(blushing.)

Ahhh... the best laid plans and grandiose ideas. Hmmm...were my ideals wrong, am I just not persistent enough, was I undermined by an other half whose tender heart can't bear to see his little girls cry unnecessarily? Probably a little bit of all of the above. Well the paci intervention was a failure. Or maybe it was just a learning experience, for me.

There was some success. Little Lamb has actually been a happier baby the last few days. And will actually be awake and smiling for longer periods of time sans paci. I am much more mindful of when I "pop" the paci in. And she isn't always getting it popped back in right away, and occasionally actually gets over it. But, my friends laughed at my attempt to "break" my 6 week old of anything.

Guess I'm learning humility and patience this week. Humility from Little lamb, patience from babydoll...

I am not a messy mom. Well I am a person who tends toward randomness, but I don't like yucky messes. Yes books, papers, and toys might be scattered about my home. But babydolls hands and face are wiped regularly throughout mealtime. And I keep the play dough well hidden, cause most of the time I'm just not into the mess. So yesterday my patience was challenged.

Babydoll met me at her bedroom door in the morning w/ a beautiful smile, and with her diaper in her hand saying "Uh-oh." She earnestly pointed out the "wet" spots on the floor, and I quickly found the wet spot on her bed. I looked at her and looked at the floor, and inwardly I laughed. I was amazed I was able to calmly explain that she had "peed" and pee should go in the potty. At this pre-potty training stage I had been wondering how I would introduce the concept of peeing to my little girl, well there ya go.

Then later in the afternoon, babydoll met the salt shaker. They had a lovely playdate while mommy wasn't paying attention. I amazed myself again, instead of fuming, I took a picture. Babydoll was a little unsure of mom's reaction. After the initial shock, I was trying not to laugh. (By the way you would be amazed how salt spreads. My entire kitchen is gritty.)

It is good seeing God use the little things to make me grow. Seeing fruit in the rather ordinary reminds me how involved God desires to be in each moment. And although next time I may wait for success before publishing my grand child-rearing plan on the internet, there is something freeing in admitting failure. And while I still don't see myself breaking out the play dough or glue on a regular basis any time soon, it is good to know that when these things happen I can take it...well...with a grain of salt =)

The paci progress...

2009-06-09T13:13:00.002-05:00

Adjusting the plan a little...

Quitting the paci cold turkey went great until about 5pm. Of course that is her worst popping the paci in and out time. We're used to her hollering 5 minutes out of every 10 then anyway. I put her in her bassinet so I could make dinner, and due to babydoll's love of "buttons" we made an accidental discovery. Little lamb really likes that music the bassinet plays. As long as it was playing she calmed down and was quiet. It is kind of strange sounding electronic classical music, kind of a beeping Canon in D. But it is better than screaming, and it has a volume control.

I managed to survive through the "crying" time in the evening. But alas at bedtime I gave in. It seemed rather cruel to feed her and then expect her to sleep when she was still recovering from eating. This is where the paci truly seemed useful in the past to help control her hiccups and gas. Daddy also had a legitimately rough day, and wasn't up to the screaming. So I gave her her paci and she quietly went to dreamland.

So I guess cold turkey didn't work, exactly. And in rereading my previous post I want to clarify. I don't think her using the paci is some type of deep rooted sin in her 6 week old existence. But I am concerned what we are teaching her when we jump to pop the paci back in every time she hollers at us. I do believe training starts this young.

But training takes some time and is a learning process for me as well. I thought cold-turkey would be easiest. Kind of a lazy approach on my part as it doesn't require thinking just persistence. But a new plan has been put in place. For now the paci will be for immediately after meals/going to sleep. Once it is intentionally popped out, it's out. So far she doesn't even seem to need the paci at all in the morning. Probably because no intolerable food mommy ate has affected her milk. Maybe she'll slowly ween off of it. For now it will be saved for those times when it is truly useful.

I remember this age w/ babydoll. I was mentally exhausted trying to decide the best way to feed her. The experts said so many different things. None of the official ways to schedule her or not schedule her seemed quite right to me. Eventually I gave up the books and experts and just went by instinct. That seemed to work so much better. Of course babydoll, was such a happy baby almost anything would work.

I am kind of glad God chose to teach me this w/ babydoll. I think if I had little lamb first I would have lost my mind trying to find the exact way to do everything. And she still would have fussed and carried on. So I am trying to avoid the experts. I am trying to go by instinct. To pray and do what God prompts me.

Right now both my precious girls are sleeping. Little lamb w/ paci securely in mouth, and babydoll having obediently stayed on her big girl bed. For the moment instinctive - or better God prompted - mothering is working.

Somebody just please remind me of this when I get to potty training...

Trying to de-pacify her...or a tiny push toward God

2009-06-08T15:09:00.005-05:00

I decided she's an addict. I decided we need an intervention. My other half just hopes it is over before he comes home...

We have a pacifier tyrant. She must be stopped. Little lamb loves her paci, sort of. She likes to have it put in her mouth, suck for a few minutes, pop it out, and then loudly insist on having it put back. OK the popping out part may be unintentional, more a factor of immature little lips, but the screaming until it is returned is intentional. "They" say you can't spoil a baby, I disagree.

Certainly, I don't feel it is possible to love a baby too much. And my little ones get cuddled and played with lots. In fact Little lamb spends much of the after dinner before bed time being held by Mommy or Daddy. But I do believe you can spoil a baby. I do believe you can give in to a baby's every demand and start to teach the little one that she is the center of the universe. Tough love is sometimes necessary, even with a six week old.

I know my view isn't popular among "they" - the "parenting experts." But I feel that it is biblical. God created us in His image, including my little lamb. And we are all marred by sin from the fall, including my little lamb. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I guess I believe that therefore little lamb must be capable of selfishness, even though she doesn't understand it. I believe that it is our soul that gives us human value and worth. To have a soul is to be capable of sin. While it is pleasant to think of our dear little ones as innocents, it devalues there worth as human beings to believe they are without a will of their own.

So back to the paci - It all started innocently enough. Poor little lamb, she had such terrible gassiness. She would scream and cry, painful ear piercing screams. Sucking seemed to help. But putting more milk into an already troubled tummy didn't. So I gave her a paci. Later we discovered she was having trouble with the dairy products I was consuming. So I said goodbye to my milk and cheese and sour cream....all that yummy stuff. Anyway, as long as I avoid those foods she does pretty well. But we still were in the habit of popping the paci in her mouth whenever she fussed. And now, we were no longer responding to pitiful screams of pain, but baby temper tantrums.

I've debated for days what to do. I mean paci's have some good points. I am not completely opposed to them. But I am opposed to jumping at her every whim to pop one in. But being 6 weeks old does have its limitations and understanding when a paci is permitted is one of them. So I decided cold turkey would be easiest on her, and us. It's been over 8 hours now, and so far so good...but evening is coming...

Maybe she'll get it back one day. Maybe she'll soon forget she ever had it. And maybe this is her first tiny step to learning that she is a part of God's plan. Her first hint that there is something bigger than her own little world. Her first tiny push toward learning to seek His will above all.

Cloth Diapers

2009-06-06T15:13:00.003-05:00

i am one of those "crazy" people who uses, and enjoys using cloth diapers. Whilr I could go on and on about the wonders of modern cloth diapering. I can't beat here: http://simplemom.net/the-simple-mom-cloth-diaper-review/ . Check out her cloth diapering 101 series, and maybe even win a diaper or 2!

Babydoll and Little Lamb

2009-06-05T14:27:00.003-05:00

If I start this post with a whole long time no blog thing I'll never get much written. SO I'll just jump ahead.

Babygirl is no longer the baby in this home. Her little sister joined us April 27, 2009. And while there are a few small physical resemblances between the two, I am amazed at how unalike my 2 little girls are.

It seems strange for babygirl to not be the "baby" anymore. Of course in a way she still is a "baby" not having even reached 2 years yet. But all of the sudden I have visions of her growing up, of her someday being my friend and not just my sweet little baby. I guess I feel the need to rename her as far as endearing nicknames go. And I've decided she'll always be my little "dolly".
OK, while it is convenient that her name happens to rhyme, she is really such a babydoll in so many ways. My little girl of the golden curls, rosebud cheeks, big eyes, and long lovely lashes looks like she came straight from a Madame Alexander box (well when she isn't covered in spaghetti sauce etc...) Although it seems vain to admit it, I can't help but notice that my oldest daughter is a very pretty child. This both delights and frightens me at the same time. But my little dolly is so much more than that. She is cuddly and loving, and eager to please. Her easy going and relatively unselfish (she is almost 2 you know) personality are so endearing. And as our first so long awaited child she will always be the fulfillment of my childhood dream. The culmination of all my days playing "mommy" as little girl, my sweet little dolly.

And now we have been joined by my "little lamb". And no, I didn't go for a rhyme this time, didn't seem right to refer to my new little one as my little "feather". For some reason I began referring to our sweet little baby as my little lamb before her birth. Although as a family we called her "Bob"- that's another story. But in those quiet moments when I contemplated this new little life inside of me she was my little lamb. I even bought a lamb as her special stuffed animal. And I can already see her "lambykin"-ness coming through. (Yes I get a little close to baby talk w/ that one) Of course if you ever stopped by the sheep barn at the fair, well she sure sounds like one. Unlike babydoll - her "Does your baby ever cry?" sister - little lamb makes her presence and opinions known. But she also knows her mommy. Unlike babydoll who was happy w/ anyone and anywhere, my sweet little lamb needs a mommy to shepherd to her through the day. I will say that, like different qualities in her sister, this both delights and frightens me at the same time. I also see in her an intent alertness that her analytical momma finds fascinating and wonderful.

So where is this all going. I am trying to enjoy my precious little ones and not project the future. But I can't help but ponder....How much fun and laughter raising such a cheerful one as babydoll will bring...How much delightful discovery and learning an inquisitive one like little lamb will add to our home. Then of course how can my momma's heart help but worry...will babydoll's beauty and tender heart bring her pain...Will little lambs pensive spirit cause her difficulty... I guess I am so blessed to know that God made them each just the way they are supposed to be. They are both so different. I am so glad I can rest in the knowledge that His plan for each one is perfect.

Knowing Who it is about...

2008-11-19T13:41:00.004-06:00

More Ephesians...

Knowing it is not about me, I realize how important it is for me to really know who it is about, to really know God. Internalizing the idea that it is not about me tempts me to think that I really don't matter. Since my life is not for my benefit, but for God's, truly understanding God's nature is what makes life worth living.

As I thought this through, I continued reading and saw that Paul was thinking the same thing. In Ephesians 1:17 he tells the Ephesians that he is praying for them to "know Him (God) better." Paul wants them to know the hope they are called to and the riches of his glorious inheritance. It struck me that these are not earthly things, but eternal. We won't even clearly "see" these things until after we leave this life.

So, how to go on? How do we a live a life not for our benefit? How do we live a life for goals we can not reach during our lifetime? We can go on because God has great power for us (vs.19). And Christ has been given dominion and all authority (vs. 20-22). Christ also spent time here, we can read about His life, His love, forgiveness, and patience. He is someone we can trust.

It is just making me realize how important reading my Bible is. The more I know about God, the more I see of the hope I am called to and the inheritance I have. God is so big, He is so wise, He is so good. As I get to know him better, I better understand that while it is not about me, it is about what is best and what is most important.

It is not about me...or more on Ephesians

2008-11-17T15:02:00.005-06:00

I've been reading the first chapter of Ephesians and trying to really have it sink in. The first 14 verses have really hit me with a theme... It is not about me!

Paul even starts out by pointing out that it isn't about him. In verse one he states he is an apostle "by the will of God" Then verse by verse he shows us how it is not about us.

In verse 3 we find we already have every spiritual blessing.

In verse 4 we find He chose us before creation began.

In verse 5 we find it is His pleasure and will that motivates our predestination.

In verse 6 we find He has given us his grace freely.

In verse 7 we find our redemption and forgiveness correlates to His riches of grace.

None of this has anything to do with what I have done or will do. None of it has anything to do with my talents or potential. It isn't about who I am or can be, it is about what He wants to do with me. But there is more...

In verse 9 we find we now know the mystery of His will.

In verse 10 we find His will is to bring all things together under one head.

In verse 11 we find we are chosen according to his plan and purpose.

In verse 12 we find we He has done this for the praise of His glory.

In verse 13 & 14 we find we are marked and His possession again for the praise of His glory.

None of this has anything to do with my plans. He didn't choose me for my benefit. It is not about what I want or need, it is about what He wants to with my life.

My first thought was how wonderful. A feeling of freedom filled me. But my immediate second thought was "Oh, it really isn't about me." I read this passage and realize that I so often live like it is about me; "God, I want to do this so please help me," or "God I don't like this please take it away." In a way it made me feel like I'm not really that important. I mean God could do without me. Isn't that bad for my self-esteem?

But that is where that freedom comes in. God could "do without me" but he chose to "do with me." How cool is that? My talents and potential aren't critical to His success. I am free to just be what He makes me. My plan may fly out the window, but God's plan is the one that will have success. My failures may just be exactly the achievement God is going for.

If I can only remember this I could eliminate much of the worry and fretting from my life. Growing up in public schools in the 70's, and 80's they spent a lot of time telling us that we were "free to be whatever we wanted to be, and free to do whatever we wanted to do." I think a lot of us were let down when we discovered that in reality our plans often don't work.

But I want to remember that I'm truly free. Free to be what He makes me and go where He leads me.

And then life happens...

2008-11-10T14:17:00.004-06:00

Well I meant to get back to blogging, but you know there is this thing called life.

In the beginning of August was the fair, then we went camping, then we had the boys stay w/ us for a week, then babygirl's (littlegirl now) first bday party, then my Aunt and Uncle came for about a week. We thought things were slowing down... but August 31st we found out we are having another little one!!! due date May 4th. So, while very happy, I barely had energy to function until the middle of October.

On September 2nd we found out about some farmland for sale. This will fulfill a lifelong dream. But in order to safely make this investment I ahve returned to work 2days a week. Littlegirl enjoys spending one day a week at each grandparents' home. And since I grew up w/o grandparents around I am happy for her opportunity. I actually really enjoy my work overall. While the paperwork and government regulations get annoying, serving my patients is such a blessing. Even though I get paid for it, it feels like a ministry to me.

So here I am, hopefully back again. I am sort of glad I didn't blog through the election. I think I have gotten past my tirades and frustration about that now anyway.

Right now I am reading Ephesians. I have been reading it for several weeks. But started to jot notes down today. Do you know God has already blessed us w/ every spiritual blessing? We are already blessed. We just need to make use of those blessings...Also he chose us before he created the world. This one was amazing to wrap my mind around. Although I know that God is eternally omniscient, it just never ocurred to me that he knew what was going to happen to my life before the world existed!

Long time no blog.

2008-07-17T18:04:00.002-05:00

Wow It has been more than a month! I have been using my internet time recently to get used to my new role as a moderator on the bulletin board at Hearts at Home. Now that I've gotten caught up and used to my new "job," I'm looking for a little time to blog again.

Another thing I have been busy with is Bible Study. I just completed a six week study at my parents church Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer. It was excellent and gave me lots to think about. Hopefully I'll have some time to put my thoughts into complete sentences.

In the last month babygirl has also developed the skills of crawling and cruising. While I'm delighted at her newly acquired skills, it has made it difficult to concentrate on typing as I try to keep her from eating rocks, pulling stools down on herself, falling down the stairs, and pulling the cats' tails. And yes she has done or almost done all of those things.

Well as babygirl is chasing cat around the room, I'd better go. Hope to update w/ more later.

People of the Exile

2008-05-21T21:25:00.004-05:00

Reading Haggai, has inspired me to look again Ezra, Zechariah, and Isaiah 44 & 45. I have always found the exile and returning from exile periods in Israel's history to be fascinating. Maybe because I don't remember learning those stories much in Sunday School. Or maybe it's because I see so many parallels between The U.S. and Babylon.

Now please understand, I don't mean the United States is "evil like Babylon" But there seems to be some very similar attitudes. I am not an expert on Babylonian culture. But I do understand from the scriptures that they were not annihilators, they were assimilators. They didn't conquer a people and wipe them out. They assimilated them into their culture. Tolerance and diversity seemed to be pretty common themes. Well tolerance to a point, there was the fiery furnace thing. But even there they didn't forbid them from praying to God, they just wanted them to bow to idols too.

They also seemed to be a pretty modern society. Even though we consider them to be ancient, I imagine they considered themselves to be quite high tech. They had the best technology and living in Babylon was probably pretty cushy for some. Many of the Jews, Daniel for example, became high ranking officials. Babylon was a melting pot and a land of opportunity in some ways. Tolerance, diversity, technology, opportunity - sound familiar?

I guess that is one reason the exiles fascinate me. How did they stay close to God in a culture so similar to ours? How did they deal with the temptations of prosperity, and push for tolerance? Was it difficult to leave Babylon and return to the ruins of Jerusalem?

It had been seventy years. Few of the returning exiles actually remembered Jerusalem. Many were born in exile, others were just small children when they left. I imagine their parents told them stories about the gorgeous temple, the gates, the walls. I wonder how it felt to them to return to find it all a pile of rubble.

Anyway, I guess that is why the exiles are so interesting to me. They had decisions to make that I can relate to my life. They had to discern when it was right to stay involved in the things of the world, Daniel, Mordechi, and Esther for example. They also had to discern when it was right to give up there wordly comforts as Ezra, Nehemiah, and Zerubbabel did.

There is lots to learn from them.

Tackling my clothes

2008-05-20T08:35:00.007-05:00

I decided I really needed to weed out my wardrobe. Since I was in maternity clothes last summer I didn't weed last year. So it was long overdue. I also want to move a dresser out of our bedroom because it is just too crowded, so I had to empty out the 2 drawers that actually had clothes in them. I decided to put ALL of my clothes on my bed. (Except for some clothes in the laundry, but I figure I wear those anyway.) It looked like this:

Babygirl had a ball playing in the mountains of clothes while I started sorting. I started at a corner and worked my way in. I tried to be ruthless. I got rid of every bra with a "C" on it. If I ever get back there I'll just buy new. I also got rid of all the t-shirts that didn't quite cover my belly if I lifted my arms, and all the long sleeve shirts that didn't reach my wrist. I did keep some pants and shorts that "almost" fit. I decided if I could button it I could keep it. (I don't tend to have a lot of extra pants and shorts) Hopefully I will lose that extra ten pounds so I comfortably fit into them again. After I was done it looked like this:

I got rid of a lot, but still have a lot of clothes! I figure I need to ban myself from buying t-shirts for a couple of years maybe. Before I put things back I had to rethink my storage system. I decided not to just put things back where they were before. I would like to get a closet organizer, but that won't happen until after we paint our bedroom this summer. But I still managed to free up an entire drawer, in addition to the 2 drawers in the dresser I'm moving. And I have a lot of extra room in my closet.

So, now I can move the extra dresser. I can store some of the stuff overflowing the guest room closet in the extra dresser and my closet.

I also developed an appreciation for how blessed I really am. I have too many clothes to even wear them all. I have been to places where people who have two sets of clothing, one to wear and one to wash, are considered fortunate. I don't need any more clothes, not for a long time anyway. So, no more clothes shopping for me for now. Instead I will endeavor to remind myself of the great bounty that I have been given, and choose to be grateful.

Blessings!

More on Haggai...

2008-05-19T09:31:00.002-05:00

"...'I am with you' declares the LORD." Haggai 1:13

Why is it so easy to neglect God? In the daily day to day He so often is the first to be set aside. I am so guilty of this. There is rarely a day when I don't check the internet or watch at least a little t.v. But there are too many days when I don't read my Bible, and my prayers are just short petitions thrown in here and there. I think it is a bit of a paradox for me. It becomes easy to put God last because he loves me and will forgive me. In Haggai as soon as the Jews, who had neglected God for 16 years, turned to Him He said, "I am with you."

But that is also the reason to put Him first. He is so deserving of our attention. He is our purpose for existence. The message in church yesterday spoke to me about this. Our youth pastor was preaching. He talked about the sacred and the selfish. It is selfishness that makes me put all the busyness of the day before God, who is sacred. And according to Haggai it is self destructive selfishness at that. God's blessings are limited when we neglect Him. I want Him with me!

I guess one of the reasons I find so much in Haggai is because I relate to the Jews in this story so well. You see these weren't the bad guys. They weren't Jews in name only. They left lives of relative ease in Babylon to come to a destroyed city and rebuild to honor God. They didn't stop building the temple because the rocks got too heavy and the work was uninspiring. They had real persecution and threats from the people around them. They wanted to put God first. But they lost sight of that in the discouragement. Then they got into the habit of neglecting Him. I can fall into this. I don't "completely" neglect God. I am at church everyweek, I listen to Christian radio, I think about God everyday. But that is not what He wants. He wants me to spend time directly with Him in His temple, my life. He wanted the Jews to spend time directly with Him in the Temple, that was still in ruins.

What encouragement that God is there waiting for them. And this time the same discouragement comes. But in chapter 2 they hear these words from God, "...take courage and work for I am with you," "My Spirit is abiding in your midst; do not fear." Instead of succumbing to the discouragement, they take action. Then they begin to see the blessings of the Lord.

So through my day, as I clean my house and care for babygirl, I must remember I have God's Spirit with me. And I can't be discouraged or distracted by the busyness of life. Because if I get focused on the busyness I will miss the blessing. And the greatest blessing comes from spending time with Him.

Tackle it Tuesday

2008-05-13T11:42:00.005-05:00

OK this is the first time I'm trying this. But I saw it on a "friend's" blog and was inspired. I wanted to tackle the paper pile on my counter. You know those papers you want to do something with but don't have time right now. So you either lose them or forget about them and find the 3 months later. I have a basket for this stuff but it becomes the basket of doom since it is all jumbled together. Then everything just gets left on the counter, because "you'll never find it in the basket." So here is my before:

I cleaned off the counter around it too. In order to control the clutter I decided to add folders to the main paper area. In our house I figured it would work best to have 1 for me, 1 for him, 1 for church, and 1 for 4H (we're very involved as volunteers). They're color coded too, green for 4H etc... Basically church stuff and 4h stuff will automatically go to their folders. His work stuff and financial stuff to his. And everything else to me to deal with, file elsewhere, or toss. There are 3 small spaces in front, one for this month's and recent large purchase receipts, one for the errand/shopping list and current coupons and a pen, and one for the calculator and banking. Here is the after:

I also cleaned out my coupon/paper overflow drawer. Now I just need to take 15 minutes each week to keep it in good shape!

Reading Haggai

2008-05-13T11:10:00.003-05:00

"You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house." Haggai 1:9

I guess it might seem kind of strange that one of my favorite books of the Bible is Haggai. It is short, only two chapters. It can be hard to find, near the end of the Old Testament tucked in between Zephaniah and Zechariah. But it has so much to offer us for our lives today.

It is about focus and perseverance. It is about putting God first. It is about going on in the midst discouragement.

You see a small remnant of Jews had returned to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple, they got a start and then got discouraged by the peoples around them. So they stopped for sixteen years. In the meantime they built their own lives, but they just didn't have the blessings they expected. Then Haggai comes on the scene to tell them they have been neglecting the things of God (building the temple).

I know we don't have a temple building anymore. Instead our lives are supposed to be temples of the Holy Spirit. So this book always challenges me. How often do I get so busy with my earthly house and life, that I neglect my spiritual life - the temple of God?

It is a struggle, but praise God there is more to come in the book of Haggai. I will share more later in the week. For historical context, read Ezra chapters 4-6.

Blessings!

Garage Sale-ing in the rain... or ohhhh books!

2008-05-02T14:08:00.005-05:00

It was garage sale day in the town just east of us. Now I have to admit, garage sales are not my specialty. Normally, I shop with a specific mission. That doesn't translate well with garage sales. But, last spring I went on a mission and found a crib and changing table at the first 2 sales I hit. So, I was inspired to try it again.

My mission today - babygirl stuff : 12/18 month clothes, a toy piano, and books. Babygirl and I set off around 8:30, around 8:35 it started raining, pouring actually. But now I was on a mission. So between showers I visited the handful of sales that braved the weather. I found clothes : overalls, shorts, and 2 cute "red" outfits - one with the cutest denim jacket. I thought $5 for 7 pieces was pretty good. And babygirl looks so good in red. Sadly there was nary a toy piano to be found. But, what I really want to talk about is the books.

I was inspired at my MOPS meeting last month to expand my horizons when it came to books for babygirl. Our mentor mom, Holly, spoke about creative ways to use books. She encouraged us to choose a variety of books; fiction and non-fiction, old and new. She also encouraged us to let our children have access to the books, just keep scotch tape on hand. I have always loved books, but hadn't really thought about the wealth of possibilities in children's books. So the third part of my mission turned into a treasure hunt.

I found the treasure trove at a country farmhouse a little ways out of town. The garage was out back and jam packed with stuff. It was dark and dim and the door was down partway to block the recent downpour. It was too muddy and crowded to use babygirl's stroller, so I perched her on my hip as I squatted to sort through the 3 laundry baskets of children's books. Here is what I found:

2 Little Golden Books - Mother Goose and Baby Farm Animals. I love the old fashioned illustrations and sense of nostalgia from my own childhood.

Sea Creatures - Okay, this is 109 pages, photo and fact filled. Probably a little beyond my 8 month old, but the photos are beautiful and hopefully someday she will find the information fascinating. I especially can't wait to watch babygirl and her Aunt Becca pour over the 25 pages devoted to penguins, Bec's favorite animal.

Baby Animals - This is not a highly sophisticated anthology. But I liked it for the simple text, and variety of animals grouped by their habitat.

Rhinoceros Tap - One of my favorite finds. A mint condition book and music CD, of Sandra Boynton's fun silly books set to music, including my favorite "Barnyard Dance"

The Grumpy Bunny Goes West - A silly little perfect condition paper back about a pessimistic junior Easter bunny who wins a vacation at a dude ranch. It is certainly an original concept. And as an Easter baby, I have a soft spot for bunnies.

Who Says a Dog Goes Bow-wow? - This is not your standard "a cow says 'moo' " book. It also tells you that a cow says "Boeh-boeh" in Dutch, and "E-bah" in Ethiopian. The multilingual "animals" in this book are a wonderful way to expand world view, and a fun way to play with language sounds.

Whose Tracks Are These? - A fun little fact filled, "figure it out" paperback about forest animals. Perfect for our camping, hiking, nature-loving family.

Shiver Me Letters - A fun frolicking alphabet book. A crocodile pirate forces his animal crew to find him more letters to add to his "R" (as in "Arrh") A great creative book using letters for words more original than "a is for apple."

Curious George Goes Camping - Does this need an explanation? Where wouldn't I go with my childhood friend Curious George.

I limited myself to 10. They were 5 for a dollar. But I couldn't resist picking up the slightly battered copy of The Cat in the Hat I found at the last sale I visited. Dr. Seuss is well worth the 25 cents.

All-in-all I think I did pretty well. I hope mentor mom Holly would be proud, and I hope babygirl Holly will be pleased, fascinated, enriched, and delighted. Now it is time to go read some books!

An Accidental Environmentalist

2008-04-22T12:10:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting in my green chair with a green shirt on. Guess I'm making the most of this Earth Day thing. Actually, it is just a coincidence. The green shirt was at the top of the laundry pile, and the chair - well forest green is a frequent theme in our decor. But coincidence seems to be the norm for me when it comes to environmentalism. I am an "accidental" environmentalist.

I came to this conclusion when watching Oprah a few months ago. My sister-in-law and I stumbled across the "going green" show and thought we would check out the tips they offered. We spent most of the hour laughing. What was presented as "changes to live more green" seemed like normal common sense to us. Hmmm... only run the dishwasher/clothes washer when they're full, clean the lint screen on the dryer, avoid single use water bottles, recycle, turn your AC up to 75 degrees (we keep it at 80 anyway), donate old clothes instead of throwing them in the trash... Ummm... don't most people do this stuff anyway? The scary thing is I have come to understand that many people don't.

I have never considered myself an environmentalist. I actually find the hypocr- errr... irony of the environmental movement irritating. While on one channel a famous face is recommending we limit our toilet paper use, on another channel the same person is the spokesman for Clairol hair color. I imagine that box of hair dye, cardboard w/ paper instructions, plastic bottles etc... uses more resources and causes more pollution than my extra square or two of t.p. Then there are the "heinous" plastic grocery bags. I actually heard a guy on the Today Show lamenting that they were still legal! But the "go green" picture of a filled cloth grocery bag I say the other day, had a 4 pack of individual plastic pudding cups sitting on the top. Seems to me those are a lot more wasteful than my thin reusable, easy to recycle plastic grocery bag. Guess they should be illegal too? The list could go on and on, the rock star standing on the stage with big spotlights telling me I shouldn't have my incandescent bulb in my desk lamp, the politician with the huge multimillion dollar home complaining because our pick-up truck isn't energy efficient enough.

I guess I understand these people a little better though, now that I've seen how devoid of common sense so many Americans are.

But, it all comes down to stewardship. I have never been motivated by the panicked cries of "We're killing the planet!" I believe God is in control. I know that our sinned marred earth will definitely be destroyed one day, and has been slowly dying since the fall of man. However God has given us the things of this earth. And we are to be good stewards of the resources He has provided. Stewardship means using the resources the best way for the most important priority, people. Balancing this stewardship is tricky, and requires discernment. In our vast imperfectness we make a lot of wrong decisions. Pesticides for example can pollute our air and water, potentially making people sick. However pesticides also expand the food supply and control insects, potentially saving millions from starvation and deadly diseases like malaria. Unfortunately on the bandwagon of global warming hysteria and "green" marketing campaigns, wise stewardship decisions aren't the norm.

Like all modern problems the answer to the environmental issues of today is following the Bible. People are the only eternal thing on this earth so they are the most important. When God created our world He said it was good, and He expects us to use the resources for His purposes. He knows each sparrow that falls. Proverbs teaches us to not be lazy and wasteful. Jesus teaches us in the gospels about using what God has given us for His glory. The Psalms praise the wonders of God's creation. Genesis gives us a picture of God's perfect purposes for our planet.

So, on Earth Day, let us remember that it is really God's Day not the earth's. We shouldn't worship our planet but should look around us and figure out how to better use the earth's resources to serve God. I can see ways I can do better. But, I guess it is not really an accident that I have made some good environmental choices. Because, it is not an outcome of being an environmentalist, it is an intentional attempt to be a good steward for God.

Its my Birthday...and I'll smile if I want to!

2008-04-14T21:17:00.002-05:00

I remember seeing a few thirtysomething reruns as a teenager. They seemed older than I am... But I have definitely learned from my patients, whose average age is eightysomething, that age is what you make of it. So thirtysomething is just fine, and I hope I enjoy eightysomething someday too.

April 14th has historical significance in the U.S., the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Of course depending on your opinion that may or may not be outdone by the international significance, as the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. Yes those "on this day in history" birthday cards are a bit depressing for us four-fourteeners. But my philosophy is that my birth certainly improved the date a lot.

My birthday is also bad timing in our household. There isn't any time for hoopla or fancy meals around here the day before tax season ends. In fact there is barely time to say hello, and how was your day just isn't a very good opener until after tomorrow. So babygirl and I went to dinner at my parents house. I figure they are responsible for the existence and scheduling of my birthday anyway. And further celebration will be postponed until later in the week when we can celebrate both of our birthdays together. But, I never get the free dessert anymore.

I have always loved opening presents and having birthday cake. Have I mentioned my favorite food is frosting? For the past several years my birthday has just come and gone, with modest recognition. I don't worry much about people actually forgetting it. I always talk about my coming birthday several days ahead. I figure if people forget your birthday, anniversary etc... it is your own fault. But wrapped surprises are few and far between, I guess when your a grown-up it is easier to just give you money. And I rarely get to blow out candles on the actual day. Although, usually a birthday cake for one or both of us shows up sometime during the week. But with tax season, and a shared birthday week, it just isn't "my special day" that much anymore.

But the timing is good for reflection. After tomorrow life changes. We have brief slowdown of the pace of life. A brief window between tax season and planting season to breathe. The world around us is even marking it. The grass is greening. The trees are budding. The sky was such a beautiful blue today. I have time to count blessings and make a plan to enjoy them. This is the first year I got to spend the morning of my birthday, with my child giggling in my arms. I can't imagine a greater blessing.

So even though there was no party, no presents, no cake, there is smiling. God has given me another year. A most blessed and wonderful year has passed. One filled with brightness and blessings is ahead.

A special happy birthday goes out to Jack, Julie, and Laura, others who have made an excellent contribution to improving this day in history. And happy birthday a few days late to Stephen, and a few days early to my beloved taxman. Hope your days are blessed beyond your imagination!

And don't worry, somehow this week I will get a hold of a cake w/ butter cream frosting ;)

The Blessings of Low Expectations

2008-04-09T20:39:00.002-05:00

OK I really love to read. Anything and everything. I even read the entire cracker box. So when I stopped by the library the other day and found a pile of parenting magazines free for the taking I was delighted. I love to read magazines. I love books. But they suck me in and I have a hard time putting them down. I only like to read good books because they take my time and energy. Magazines on the other hand are quick, easy to drop and pick back up. Also I can tolerate a page or two of someone's different viewpoint even if I disagree, its a learning experience.

Anyway, back to the parenting magazines. Is it just me, or are we just a little bit too caught up in our own problems these days? Are we much to expectant of a life of comfort, ease, and perfection? It just seemed like article after article, magazine after magazine was devoted to the trials and travail of motherhood. Of course interspersed was the latest toys, gear, and gadgets, marketed to make your life easier or your child the next prodigy. And yes there were a few articles with helpful information about feeding and babycare, but even those often had references to diffusing mommy guilt or the general frustration of life as a mom.

I just want to say ENOUGH ALREADY!!! When did hardwork and difficulty become an anomaly in life?!! When did we come up with the idea that doing something so important should be easy?!!!

The church group I met with in college had a fascinating old fashioned hymnbook. At first I was surprised by the tone of the songs. I was used to praise choruses about God's goodness and our delight. These songs however often spoke of our sin, our brokenness, the total impossibility of happiness and success without the great and generous mercy of God. At first they seemed odd and sad. But then I began to discover that they were truth. They spoke too of the troubles of this world, they are everpresent and unavoidable. Only when we leave this world will we find perfection, only in God's presence.

I realize I was reading secular magazines. And sadly they don't even acknowledge God's existence. But I see Christians sucked in to the same mindset. If we just can figure out the right combination to make everything easy. The right psychology, the right invention, the right words, the right food, it goes on and on. The more we chase making things perfect the farther we seem to get away from it. Or maybe the more we despair about not achieving it.

Being a mom is a lot of work. So is not being a mom, I've been there too. Being alive in this world means facing difficulty, hardwork, fatigue, frustration, and confusion. That is what we should expect out of life on earth. Instead of fighting it, instead of striving for perfection here, why not embrace the imperfect. There are great blessing we receive even in this world. They are made all the more amazing and sweet when we have to work for them and yet realize we still don't deserve them. Of course we will fail in moments of pain and panic. But can we remember in the between times that pain, panic, and failure are to be expected this side of heaven.

Guess that was why I kept getting s0 frustrated with those magazines. Month after month trying to solve the same problems. Seeking success and happiness with the right combination of ideas and methods. OK, Maybe I shouldn't have read fifteen of them in one week. But then maybe I wouldn't have noticed the pattern I so easily get sucked into.

When I started writing I was thinking of how beneficial it was to have low expectations of this world. But I realized it is really having high expectations, high expectations of the next world. I'm reminded of this quote from C.S. Lewis' book Mere Christianity

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world"

Since I'm up...

2008-03-12T01:02:00.002-05:00

Well, since I'm up at 1am, I might as well blog a little. Sorry for the typos in advance, as I am typing one handed, without my glasses at 1 am.

So why one handed? I'm holding a half awake baby in my left arm.

Why sans glasses? I left those in my bedroom, there is a "taxman" trying to sleep in there. And you just don't wake a sleeping taxman at 1 am in the month of March if you can possibly avoid it.

Why 1 am? I think it may be because I had caffeine. No, I didn't have caffeine just before bed so I'm wide awake. I had some caffeine about 12 hours ago, its effects on my synapses have long worn off, so the bed looks wonderful. But for some reason when I put more than 25 mg of caffeine in my body it turns poor babygirl into a screaming gassy insomniac.

I just wanted a little extra energy for the cleaning spree I did today. I figured her digestive tract has matured, surely she could tolerate a little. She always sleeps through the night. (This said in a pitiful whiney voice) Will I ever learn.

Normally I'm a cry it out momma. I am rarely holding my child at 1 am. But I have chosen not to be a scream it out writhing in pain momma. Especially as I feel the guilt of inflicting it on my poor child. She seems to do better if I hold her upright, except that she is burping and passing gas like a bunch of Jr Hi boys on a campout.

Ahhhhhhh... finally she is asleep. Time for both of us to go back to bed. Maybe she last longer than 45 minutes this time. (This is the fourth time she has been up) Funny 20 minutes ago it was torturous, watching her discomfort, listening to her scream. Now its a rare treat, her little face snuggled to my chest, kissing her fuzzy little head. What is more precious than a sleeping baby? Part of me could sit here for hours studying her precious face and hands. But another part of me just yawned. And tomorrow this snuggly little one will want to play and eat and have her diaper changed. She needs a momma to be able to be responsible to care for her and be awake.... without any caffeine!

Cloth diapers, and organic ketchup...

2008-03-04T14:29:00.002-06:00

...no, not together. The organic ketchup is in my fridge. The cloth diapers are on babygirl's bottom. But it is somewhat of a marvel to me that both are in my home at all.

I have never considered myself an environmentalist, a hippie, or particularly "crunchy" (a term I have just recently found). I have always considered myself to be a practical, common sense, indpendent type. It never really occurred to me before that the same result can come from two different points of view.

A few years ago my brother and sister-in-law announced they were eating organic. We love them so we humored them. They are kind considerate people, so they aren't pushy about it when they visit. And they live a few hundred miles away so we don't eat together too often anyway. But, living in the middle of corn and soybean country, saying "organic" often includes an eyeroll or snicker. Well, now organic has entered my cupboard and refridgerator. And yes I do occasionally snicker and roll my eyes at myself. To be honest I don't really care that it is "organic." I am really just trying to avoid all the high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils that are in prepared foods. And although I've gone natural and homemade for many things, I really haven't had the opportunity to make my own ketchup or barbeque sauce. So organic ketchup and BBQ sauce it is. And when the price is congruent, I've started to "go organic" on other things too, guess a few less pesticides isn't a bad thing.

Funny thing is, when my sister-in-law was visiting I began to explain my new strategy to cut the junk out of our food. Her reply, "That's why we started eating organic. Back then you couldn't find hardly anything natural unless it was organic." So I will make it official, Chrissy you were way ahead, I beg forgiveness for every rotating iris, and covered mouth chuckle. It is amazing what you learn when you adjust your point of view.

So that brings me to babygirl's bottom. Which I must say looks so much cuter in her colorful Thirsties diaper covers and Bumgenius 3.o's. I certainly don't miss the orange and green Whinnie the Pooh cartoons. But, ummm... I didn't choose cloth for all the great "crunchy" feel good reasons. Sure it is nice to have less garbage, to have more natural materials against her skin. But mostly it is a great money saver and I have honestly found it to be more convenient. However, I am quickly becoming a cloth diaper advocate. They are really fun, really easy, and even less smelly than disposables. But, I laugh as I wonder how I would have reacted to myself a few years ago. I am sure that as I listened to the wonders of cloth, I would have been rolling my eyes and snickering about that too. It is amazing how different things sound with a change in point of view.

Ten years ago, as new bride, I would have not just snickered but laughed heartily at the suggestion of organic ketchup and cloth diapers being in my home. I think me at 23 would think me at 33 was a little off her rocker. I guess I never expected to really grow and change as much as I have. And, its not just in my point of view about the "crunchy" things. I hope me at 23 would have humored me and loved me anyway, because she might just have learned what an adjusted point of view could do. Actually, I guess she did. And maybe I'll stop rolling my eyes so much, because well... who knows what I'll be like at 43 =)

Living Dangerously

2008-02-15T12:26:00.003-06:00

What are the terms? Boundaries, balance, American Academy of Pediatrics reccommendations... So many choices how to guide my life decisions, and our decisions for babygirl.

Facing fear seems to be a topic God is working on with me recently.

My first big scary thing, putting babygirl to bed at night in her crib. Thats where the AAP comes in. She isn't six month yet, officially it is safer for her to sleep in our room. But, our room is small. She is too big for the basinet, and 2 out of the 3 of us sleep much better with her in her own room. The 1 out of 3 is me. All my life I've struggled with fear at night, when I wasn't in control. As a child at night I was afraid of fire, storms, robbers... now I get to add the fear of my child ceasing to breath, besides the danger of fire, storms, and burglers who might now decide to become kidknappers. It was so much easier to cacoon the three of us in our room. Where I could see her from my bed, could grab her in a second if necessary. When I wake up at 3am feeling the need to make sure she is OK, God has been teaching me to trust Him. His eyes see more clearly. His hands are faster and stronger than mine.

So He is setting me up for challenge number 2. There are people out there. People who need Him. People who I hear Him calling me to care for. There is a family who I already love but I'm not sure I can trust. These are real people, who really need God. But they could be dangerous. My mind works, It is not just me to consider. I have an innocent little one. What if because of them something would happen to baby girl? Shouldn't I protect her keep her safe. I ask these questions, but my heart calls out God's answer. He is able to protect her, keep her safe. But he desires to use us, including babygirl, to make others safe for eternity. God's call is to live sacrificially, to visit the prisoners, the sick, people who are dangerous.

As I ponder these things, yesterday God added another layer. I may be contemplating the danger of crib suffocation, or loving people with difficult histories. But I am sure very few Northern IL students were pondering the dangers of attending geology class, yet that was the most dangerous day in there life. It often takes tragedy to teach the true meaning of protection. It is not in the caccoon that we can try to build around ourselves and our children's lives, but in the safety of our souls held securely in God's hands. For neither death nor life... nor anything else in creation can separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord! {Romans 8:38,39}

A heart that knows Him...

2008-02-04T12:47:00.000-06:00

A song popped into my head today, one I hadn't heard in a long time. The amazing thing is that it is the same song that became a lifeline for me, 6 years ago today.

Six years ago today I was awakened by a phone call from my dad in NY to tell me my nephew had been born in Georgia. My dad could barely hold in his proud delight. I got all the vital statistics, expressed my delight, hung up the phone, took a deep breath, and tried to hold back a torrent of tears.

You see, it should have been me. I was supposed to have the first grandchild. My 4th anniversary was just a few weeks away. My brother and his wife had only just past the 15 month mark. While they were celebrating the arrival of a baby they had not planned and weren't particularly prepared for, I was grieving the failure of my last cycle of infertility treatments. I wanted to be happy with them. But it was so hard when their joy just seemed to highlight my pain.

Lying on my bed I silently cried to God for help. Immediately the song came to me. I hadn't heard it in years:

...And a heart that knows You

is a heart that can wait

Die to the dearest desire

...And a heart that knows You

Is a heart that can still celebrate

Following love through the fire

It is a Twila Paris song I used to listen to a lot in college. And that day the words seemed to be written just for me. I dug out the tape, and played it in my car on the way to work. There were more words that touched my heart and gave me hope. "... it may be for my sake just to help me grow, maybe for your kingdom Lord, I don't need to know."

That day was a turning point. Oh I still stuggled, almost constantly for months and off and on for years. But I remembered those words and somehow it brought me great hope, that "I didn't need to know."

This morning, I was awakened by babygirl's laughter and chattering. As baby girl and I cozied in for her breakfast that song came to me again. It was then that I realized the date, and that I was in the very same place, lying on my bed. Only this time my dearest desire was in my arms. I had waited. I had followed love through the fire, I had reached the blessing on the other side. I still can't say that I know just why God took me through this trial, but it doesn't seem to matter right now. Right now life is filled with easy joy. Celebration is spontaneous.

But I know that as long as I remain in this world, someday there will be another fire. Another time when I will be called to celebrate through my own tears. I pray that experiencing this blessing on the other side will help me to persevere with more strength than I had before. And I am so thankful for the song that reminds me I don't need to know why, I just need to know Him.

{"A Heart That Knows You" is from the album by the same title, by Twila Paris, 1992.}

{Another note: I found out later on that Twila Paris had also experienced years of involuntary childlessness. Although the song does not speak directly about infertility, it was such a "God thing" to realize that this song really may have been written just for someone like me.}

A Humble Man

2008-02-01T12:30:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking about something all week and just needed to write it out.

Last Sunday we went to a visitation. A friend's husband died in an accident. It was sudden, unexpected, so sad. We arrived at the visitation about 5 minutes before it started. We waited in line two and a half hours before we got to talk to our friend. There were well over 1,000 people waiting to offer their condolences.

As we waited two women walked by talking. One was younger (late teens, 20's?) The other was an older women who worked at the church. I couldn't quite hear what the younger woman asked, but could see the amazement on her face. I clearly heard the older woman's response, "No, he was just a humble man who was loved by many." Those words sunk in, they have been rolling around my thoughts. What an aspiration, to be humble and loved.

I have imagined what the younger woman might have asked. Was he famous? Was he important? Certainly it must have been something like that. Maybe he was rich? powerful? To have touched so many lives, that he would be missed by thousands. But no, he dispatched school busses and raised pigs. He touched people in the everyday.

It is so easy to desire to become "known". We want to be remembered for our accomplishments, our abilities. It is so easy to forget that it is our humble everyday that touches people most. In our quest for a life of significance, it is easy to forget that it is things like kindness, goodness, patience, gentleness, and faithfulness that leave a lasting legacy.

A famous movie star died at the same time. In twenty years I might vaguely recognize his name from some old movie. But in twenty years I am sure I will clearly remember the "humble man who was loved by many."

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..." Galations 5:22-23a

Guess I'll probably never get my PhD...

2008-01-31T09:09:00.000-06:00

Or a Masters degree for that matter. I recently found a high school friend through cyberspace. It was so fun to reconnect with her. She is working on her PhD in biology. Every once in a while I google some high school friends to see if I can find them. One has a PhD in physics, the other has one in computer engineering. These were the people who I hung out with. It's funny I did really well in high school. I love academics. I was voted "most likely to succeed". I was not just expected to go to college because that is what one does, I was expected to go because I was "really smart".

But what did I really want? I wanted to be a wife and mom. This option was not on the horizon when I graduated high school. So I went to college and got my BSPT. I'm glad I did. My physical therapy degree has been a gift from God. I have loved serving my patients and touching their lives. Also, I would not have met my husband if I hadn't come out here for college. But, I could have done more. I had the brains to go on, I could have gotten a PhD.

Finding my friend made me reflect on this. I liked being a brain. I liked school. I liked being known for how smart I was. It would be fun to be Dr. Debbie. I even had the fleeting thought of looking at the listings of the Masters programs at the nearby University.

Then I had to look at myself and say "What are you thinking?" I have a beautiful 5 month old babygirl. One who I waited 9 years for. In some ways waited all my life for. It is hard to leave her for the 4 hours a week that I occasionally work when she is having fun with grandpa or auntie. Why would I want classes and homework and lab time? Why would I want to miss out on so much?

I think in some ways it is pride that fuels those fleeting desires. If I had those letters after my name people would remember that I'm smart. I wouldn't be "just a mom". People would be impressed.

But, it is also the joy of learning and discovery. I love to learn new things. I enjoy change. One of the hardest part of my infertility years was that I felt stagnant. Nothing was changing, I went to the same job day in day out. Came home to the same house. It appeared I could be doing that forever. When I went to a class for work or got involved in a good Bible Study I felt that energy of learning, changing.

Now I realized that God has provided perfectly. I want to be here for babygirl, and since she won't be grown up untill I'm in my 50's, I don't think I'll be getting that degree. My pride will not be fed. I will just have my little secret, "I'm really smart y'know". I must learn to find my significance in being a child of God, and doing what He has given me, not what will most impress others. But the joy of learning and discovery! Oh wow! Meet my babygirl. I learn new things everyday. And can look forward to 18 years of us both growing and discovering.

Yes, I could be researching the intricacy of cellular transport. But reading "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See" and pondering the the intricacy of how babygirl's retina and inner ear are translating the concept of yellow duck to be applied to the color of sunshine and daffodils, is just as intellectually stimulating and a lot more fun. Yes, I could be teaching motor learning theory to college students. But applying it by practicing "so big" with babygirl produces giggles and precious memories, and she doesn't ask if this will be on a test.

So to my educated friends with advanced degrees. I am truly happy for your pursuit of knowledge. I know God can use it in great ways.

But I will be not just satisfied, but truly overjoyed to be pursuing my knowledge with a research partner who babbles and drools, and celebrates new finds with smiles and laughter.

Why a blog? Who am I?

2008-01-30T15:47:00.000-06:00

Why? Sometimes I just have things I want to say. I've been blessed by what others have to say as I've navigated through blogs of friends and linked to others. It is a fascinating form of communication, being able to share with others alike and different through this screen. Finding someone who lives far away who sees things like you... Finding someone who has the advantage of a different perspective who opens your eyes... Having the opportunity to see God working outside of my limited sphere of daily life.

Who? Well first and foremost I'm a child of the King. I'm also a wife, and finally a mom after long years of struggle to become one. I'm a physical therapist too. Its a job I love, but do sparingly because I love being home with my baby girl more. I'm tall, talkative, and like to teach. In high school I was known as a brain. I'm a former northeasterner who has become a midwestern farmgirl.

Maybe no one will read what I have to say. Maybe someone will learn or be touched through my thoughts. Either way it is an opportunity to "say what I want to say" to more than just my 5 month old. Welcome!